love unconditionally // an open letter to those with a healing heart

Welcome to February everybody! One of the first things that comes to mind when we come to this month is Valentine’s Day, well… At least for me. We are surrounded by red roses, chocolates, jewelry sales… You cannot run from this, it is everywhere! For some, Valentine’s Day is exciting, and entails that you may be going a on a hot date or being treated extra special by a significant other. Yet, to every upside, there is a downside because for others, this lovey dovey day isn’t always a celebration. Don’t get me wrong, I think Valentine’s Day is a fun holiday, if you will, but not everyone gets to have the “ideal couples” experience.

Because what about people who have been in a rough relationship? Because what about people who have had a hard breakup? Because what about people who are still healing? This letter is for you.

Hey,

If you’re reading this, it may be for these two main reasons: You have gone through a hard break up or you are trying to move on. Your reasons may be both or your reason might be something else, but regardless, I am glad you are reading this. Each relationship is different and I don’t know the entirety of your situation but, I hope this open letter brings you encouragement, and truly, I hope this letter helps lead you onto the path of peace, because that is what you deserve.

Whatever state you’re in, you may think that it will never get better. You may believe that you will not move on and that that guy/girl was THE one. However, I do want you to know, it does get better even though this is probably one of the last things you want to hear. So, I will not continue on how it “gets better” or that “there are plenty of fish in the sea.”  No, I am not hear to tell you that you are going to find Mr/Mrs. Right within the next week or month.  But, I do want you to know that yes, you may have a broken heart right now but, that only means you are on your way to a healing heart.

There is no step by step guide to getting over your ex, and at times I wish there was. However, there are things that you can do emotionally, and mentally to help you move on. Trust me, this was not easy at all for me to do. I struggled like how you probably are right now but, even reading this “self-help” blog post is a brave, first, small step.

I believe that in order to move on, you have to want to move on. It is so much harder to move on if in the back of your head, you are wanting to get back together. You are not alone in this because I experienced that first hand. I so badly wanted to be happy being single but, I constantly thought of how I could win back my ex-boyfriend. And through that constant battle with myself, I learned that that is not healthy. You cannot put yourself in a position where you are fighting for someone who wants to go separate ways. It hurts, oh does it hurt, but it is not fair for you to keep draining yourself for someone who has let go.

A big thing that you may want is forgiveness and/or to be forgiven. I’m sure you have said plenty of “I’m sorrys” to each other but, you need to be able to forgive outside of this emotional roller coaster you are in. You may not get the apology you want to hear however, I really believe you can still heal without that “apology.” You need to forgive your old significant other and more importantly, you need to be able to forgive yourself. This isn’t about whose fault it was or who treated the other worst. Rather, it is about putting yourself in a place of peace so that you can move on.

People say that after a break-up, that you should focus on yourself and I can vouch for that. But, how do you focus on yourself when that person is constantly on your mind? How do you focus on yourself when you want to talk to that person, or you are used to seeing them. There is no solid answer on how to stop thinking about your ex but, you need to start doing more for you. After my break up, for awhile, all I did was go to work and go straight to my bed. I was doing nothing but sitting by myself, dwelling on everything that went wrong and what I could’ve changed. I decided that I needed to do something, anything to help me move on. I highly suggest to stay away from drinking, drugs, and rebounds…things that will give you a temporary fix from your emotions. Instead, I spent real, genuine time with my family. I got to know my oldest brother more because I don’t see him often. I joined a Bible study with my friend and I was given assurance that this will pass.

I want you to know, this too shall pass. Letting go can be extremely hard and it can be scary. It is okay to be upset and sad, or even confused. The thing is, you cannot control everything in your breakup, but you can control yourself-and that goes for any situation that happens in life. You do not need to stay trapped in this emotional cage and you can and will move on. There is no time limit, because you will move on when the time is right for you.

There is so much more I want to say but, I want to end this by saying that, I pray that you have the courage to want to better yourself. I learned that break-ups are a part of life. That doesn’t make it any less hard than it already is but, know that there is so much for you. This hardship is something you can move up from. You are brave. You are loved. And you are healing.

love,

rebecca wen

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